Thursday, October 27, 2011

Ridiculed with this particular feeling, again.

It's strange to say that I'm ridiculed by this particular feeling. It's not really annoyance, but more like confused aggression. I feel so angry but confused as to why. It starts in the morning. Keeps strong during mid day, and usually transpires to either a major incident of word warring, or the waterfall of green-blue eye country. It's day 3-4 of this heat wave, and I can tell you I've had about enough. If it does not cool down tonight, I'm buying a personal aircon. This is frekked up.

Got my hair done yesterday. Truly amazing how some people just cannot take direction. I'm not complaining. The colour is 1/10th away from what it should be. But then again I could also blame genetics. (See what I mean, I'm mean and aggressive and have nothing good to say or think about everyone and everything if I'm in this mood. I'll refrain from any further 'bad mouthing' if possible.)

Now tomorrow is the day of party, but I haven't been a fan of my birthday since a couple years back. It's got nothing to do with getting older, there are just some emotional tinting on some of them that makes the day a 'sorry I was born' day, instead of a 'happy to be alive' day. I particularly blame the lack of gifts and sincerity of the friends and family. (This last sentence was dialled down.) For one I've been meaning to take a day off. Go shopping and what not. But have I been able too? No. All I hear is "there is too much to do". This makes me even more sad or angry.

I just don't want to be here any more. Please save me.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Oh mother of hell.

Today is one of those days where I just want to kill myself for being on this planet of annoying lazy asses, who always seem to find a way to make their issues and their MEANINGLESS empty brains your problem. In general I don't like people. It is a huge annoyance for me being one. I'd much rather fancy myself to be like Sherlock Holmes from BBC One. Being Immune to people and they little annoyances would help too.

On a different note, I share my birthday with a few rather special people. Joaquin Phoenix, Julia Roberts. AND and the Statue of Liberty! Wow.

Back to point A. I am annoyed, not only with the super duper humans, but this weather. I hate HEAT. I don't call myself European for nothing! Anything above 25 degrees Celsius makes me want to KILL. I am sweaty and sticky and just plain "pissig". I wish that it would RAIN, hard, RIGHT NOW.

Now currently I'm working on a long term plan to go on holiday/s. I have a need to be at the sea side. Not in the sea, just on or near the sea, oh how glorious it would be. I've got a few ideas on where I want to go. Mostly it's along the Wild coast. But the puppy is being a hard ass as per usual. He's having a hard time at the work and can complain about it for hours, and as it is my duty as loving partner to listen to him, I do so, but that is where it ends. Which leads me to the second big annoyance of the day.

I allow him to do and act and basically go nuts as he pleases. And for the most part of it I get my freedom too. For the past 2 Years though I've noticed that he has started to think he's the HEAD Puppy. Like he's the leader of the pack, and he will decide how, what, with what and when we will be doing anything. This is ticking me off something frakking huge. I have given up my dream dreaming ability because of this! I realised somewhere in last week that for the biggest part of what I can remember I used to be able to wish for something, plan it, and do it. Now if I make a wish, and discuss it, it gets shot down! Now there is two options. Kill him or make him wish he never started this war. Option two has been in effect from 3 months ago. Now please don't misunderstand me. I love him DEEPLY and I will marry him one day. But it's one day, and love is the only thing keeping him alive most of the time.

Did you know that SARS and UNISA are evil? Oh yes. True EVIL.

Well peepers and peepets. Keep well.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Getting ready for Halloween!

It's that time again. I've got my mind set on two possible and relatively easy costumes. Now it just all depends on where we spend it!

First possibility is Zoe from Death Proof. Granted I don't have a size 0 body, I can pull of a pink t-shirt with black jeans. I just love the movie. It is one of those shocking, but empowering movies. Oh how I wish I was there to kick the shissness out of that guy. Best part, besides the end,
is where they shoot him and he starts to cry like a little bitch! I nearly wet myself laughing.
To all the uninformed:

Second one is a little more complicated, but it's still do able. It is either of the ladies from Inglorious Bastards. Either Shoshanna with her pretty red dress, of if I'm really feeling daring, how bout the tempting Briget. Ah., but I'm afraid I won't have time to get either dress.

I guess it's off to the costume shop sometime this week to make the final decision. You all that know me know that I can surprise even myself at times.

I'll keep you posted.

Fitting little sign out picture!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Feelings of despair

I wonder if we don't all have a feeling of despair? If the united consciousness is trapped in this feeling. It could very well be. It is not like these are things we discuss out loud. I'm watching American Horror Story, and it actually seem to alleviate the feeling. Seeing horror, the disarray, the lies and the terror, makes it seem that maybe, maybe I'm more sane than was initially thought.

Friday was Ouma's birthday. Her roses are so pretty. There are no jacarandas around, but I would imagine they are blooming like crazy, judging by the roses' blooming out of their bushes. I have to place support for two of the bushes, they almost completely bending over. So pretty and pink and red and white.

Yesterday I wanted to run away. Like the childhood fantasy, just grab a bag with clothes, and run off into the sunset. I'm troubled by the responsibility of running everyone's lives. Managing what seems to be all of their lives for payment that would insult a volunteer worker.

I end up with this feeling that I have nothing. And that I am nothing. Coming back to the feeling of despair. We are defined by our 'possessions'. Be it money, cars, or clothes. But when you are robbed of all other 'belongings' you are left with the feeling of despair. Don't worry I will be back. I am a survivor after all.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Healthy apreciation for what is happening.

Now most of you know me as Sunita. Some of you think you know me. Hell I surprise myself mostly. I've decided to write in my spare time. So it will be a learning experience for you and me, about me and you, and this thing called blogging. So first of, a quick recap on standard me.

I am a female. I like / love my man (men). I am not yet 30, but close too. Recently decided that I have too write about me and my life to achieve freedom from my own mind, because the as the title says... it's a lunatics way. I'm focusing on a new long-term life goal, as my previous one was suddenly achieved last year, by a happy accident. But I still have no idea as to what this goal should be.

I like playing computer games, and have recently taken on WOW. Now to those who do not know what 'digital heroin' is, it is World of Warcraft. And yes. It is true that some people have no life outside of WOW, but I think I do. It has something to do with my commitment issues, or procrastination. I just don't get caught up in most things like some people to. But this will be a whole publish on its own.

I am over weight. Nice. I can say it out loud and to the whole freaking world. And here comes the cliché part, it is my hormones and my genes. (Has anyone seen my parents?!). It is a constant struggle, and a daily source of part of my crazy. Hell getting dressed is more fun than trying to fit my butt in a bath.

I have great friends. Though they are few. They are awesome. And they differ in age, race, size and in almost every manner, except they are all my friends. Which is strange.

I live in a country filled with the best freaks around. We could not be blessed with anything better. And sometimes I will voice my opinion about the politics and the heretics, but remember that it's an opinion, and it's mine and I don't judge yours, so don't you dare judge me.

For now I'm signing off. Might have some 'interesting' news later on.

Oh, the main reason I'm running a blog is basically because, Facebook is too childish. And you can't type 5000 words into a thought thingy.