Friday, December 9, 2011

Week 1, and counting.

                Start            Week 1             Diff
Weight  102.1 kg           98.1 kg           4 kg          
Chest    113.5 cm        110.0 cm          3.5 cm
Waist    105.0 cm        101.0 cm          4.0 cm
Hips      133.0 cm        131.0 cm          2.0 cm
U arm     40.0 cm           38.0 cm         2.0 cm
Thigh      79.0 cm           77.5 cm         1.5 cm

Wow. What a week. I had all kinds of 'remedies' ready for hunger, or anything that might want to get in my way. But it was useless. You body just before it starts ketosis, is like a seriously unreasonable woman with PMS. You can try and negotiate, try and plea bargain with it... It just will do what it wants.

I didn't cheat. I didn't feel the need to. The only thing seriously wrong was the NO MEAT policy. I would have settled for some chicken flavour, but my allergy to eggs prevented me from the only meat flavour in the range. I was starting to miss chewing as well.  Between porridge, soups and shakes, there is really nothing to chew. I suckled on some ice, and gave it a chew for good measure.

And then day 3-4 hit me. It was death. He was standing at my window with a crazy look in his eyes... a look that would make me think... 'eat yourself, that isn't a sin'.  The detox phase arrived with a bang. I felt drained, sick, nauseous, tired, angry, excited, and a wide range of other feelings in waves. I wanted to give up. It wasn't too late. I could still say no, before ketosis arrived, but I knew. It has already started, this is just it's official banner. Detox in the form of flu like symptoms.

No red bull, no play, no energade, no meat. I was starting to feel like consuming death by the Friday afternoon. I had my meals at same times as every day before. It was just horrible. And then my super sexy awesome man came to the rescue. ONE super big ass coffee. Nice and strong with a single teaspoon of sugar. Being the police man of the diet, he felt it was a deserved spoon full. I didn't argue I didn't complain. AND it saved my life.

The weekend we had a braai, and I was content with my soup. Infact it might have made me a hero. I was constantly praised. "You have such will power." "How can you just have a soup, and no meat, it is a braai."  "I admire what you doing."  So as a prize I got a minute piece of chicken, less than 5mm by 5mm. So tiny that it made me sad. But it was the best taste in the world. It gave me hope to last another week. Or at least till the next measure day.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Start of the Journey.

After much deliberation and consideration I finally decided on a solution to a problem some might think is crazy. I have been struggling the last 7 years to maintain, and keep a suitable weight. I've lost the battle, 3 years ago. I tried blaming it on hormones, went for tests. Went on Thyroid meds for 6th months and only lost a measly 6kgs. Admitting this to myself has not happened. If there is one thing I can do exceptionally well, it is living in denial. I am a MASTER of it. I have a seriously warped body sense.  And by that I don't mean that I think I'm fatter than I am. I actually think or have a visual in my mind, and when I look directly at my body, that it is super awesomely sexy. And here is where the big problem comes in, or shall I just say, Reality is a bitch.

The real picture, as shown to me by mirrors, photo's and some reflections on household items and windows show me an entirely different picture! Something horrifying. So bad in fact, that I don't look in mirrors, other than the top of my head to brush my hair, and while driving. I don't look in reflections of any kind. I don't go into fitting rooms when I clothes shop. It has become an psychological issue. One I didn't think I had until a week or two before my birthday. When I wanted to dress up and look pretty, and for some odd reason I just saw a flash of  my upper arm in a mirror.

I was devastated. Completely and utterly humiliated. I stood crying for almost an hour. Not moving. Now you think I'm being dramatic. I'm not. I rechecked the vision. It was indeed true. Even held up my phone next to it, to compare size. I was lost, and completely wrecked by this. You don't have to believe me. Something like the glimpse of you upper arm, when in your mind it's a thin elegant arm, can ruin your whole mental well being by being hideously FAT. After the tears and the feeling of shame dissipated, (Which was about 5 days later only) I faced the reality. I got the nerve and checked myself out in a mirror. I had decided before this, I would be stone. And I was. This was a clinical experiment, to verify and confirm the hypothesis. I was just doing what a doctor would do.

Conclusion. My body picture in my mind and the one I was viewing was not in line. Now the mental picture wasn't of model thin. Just average, curvy but sexy.

Secondly there was the small matter of stomach fat. Now some fat on ones abdomen is considered healthy.  But I was what they called, Take drastic action. My middle circumference was almost 3 times what it was 7 years ago. I party didn't notice it, because I have been blessed with such broad hips. So seeing as diabetes is now a factor, (First grandma on my dad's side, also large lady, and then my mother), I had to make a plan. I don't want to be insulin dependant. And with the history of heart failure and problems in the family, I am bound to that life, if I don't change something drastically.

And so it started. Research and some more research, thank Google. Conferring and confirming with my wonderful Doctor.

I found that the only, drastic measure would be Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD). It would start working almost instantly, and I would be more tempted to stay on something with which I see almost immediate results. So of I went to discover the best one for me. And I was shocked. Some people think fat people are made of MONEY! We don't all look like this cause we eat out or rich and expensive food, we look this way because for some of us, it's a life choice to work hard, don't play and eat to soothe the heartaches.

I was astounded. Pay this and get nothing. Pay that and we'll help you. If in the last 7 years, I have not been able to help myself, HOW do you think you are going to make a difference? And so the mental feud began. It was going to be my whits against my "Goa-uld" The more I tried to find something that will work I kept being discouraged by either it's price, or it's availability.

The answer came to me one sunny afternoon when I was actually looking at a scam degree program. Some or other Cambridge diploma, that will only take you 3 weeks to complete online. And I went on my Google rant. Googling Cambridge etc. I came across a blog of a guy talking about his experience with The Cambridge Weight plan. He failed cause he tried it while he was moving countries, and changing jobs and being dumped by his girlfriend, which made him depressed and finally ended up with him admitting to the world he is in fact gay. But in his first experience he said that he had lost 20 odd kg's in the first 8 weeks. And this of course was the hook. I had to know more. That is what I want lost... And 8 weeks will suite me perfectly.

 I found the program in the UK. And just as I was to give into despair over the availability, I saw the ZA fag. And they HAD A BRANCH here! With a consultant, just down the road from me!

So I got on the phone. Called the Doctor, and very enthusiastically she said "Go for it, it's one of the best weight loss programs out there. It has been known to be used by heart patients. Call me with the results in 6 weeks." And I thought she was joking.....

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Content in my corner.

I have this strange feeling of content, with a nasty little feeling of stress in the seams. I hate days like this. New mattress came this morning, slightly damp, on the outside. Haven't taken off the plastic wrap yet. Too scared. I think I will go ballistic if that is the case. I am waiting for the man of the house to make his appearance, so he can inspect it.

I am planing on making a subsection of the blog dedicated to the diet. Thinking of putting some before, during and after shots on. As well as a chart with measurements, and weight. I am not scared of telling people this. I think that is why I've been finding dieting and eating absolutely nothing for a month, so easy. (It's not nothing, but after a while it starts to feel like nothing.)  I started eating meat on Monday again! It's so awesome. Like the best food I've had in YEARS. It is weird I know.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Shall I eat something?

I've noticed this weather triggers a feeling of munchiness. How are one supposed to withstand it!? It feels rather sad not being able to get something to chew. I'll have to make a move, and go do something. Have you ever wondered why things happen? And by that I mean literately happen.

Monday, November 21, 2011

When is it Saturday?

I'm looking forward to SATURDAY! It's the first time I'll be truly sober for the entirety of an Event. It feels exhilarating to have this power. I just realised over the weekend, except for the craving for meat, I have no hunger, and no will to drink. And I think I might just shock the poor consultant again with the cm's that have gone.

So on the brighter side. I was surrounded by good friends this weekend. And the man was working back the brownie points he misplayed on Friday. Made a skirt, had a braai, met one of the coolest people I stalk. :P

Will report in later tonight, or tomorrow with the progress on the diet and weight front.

Wait for it, it's going to be Legend...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Meat me

I've done exceptionally well on the diet front. 4kg's! one week. Sjo. Well I still want meat. It's the only drawback so far. Other than that, I'm not hungry. I'm not wanting anything else.

I have a minor other issue. I really want a new job. Really really badly in the Stock market! That is my home. I miss it. The excitement. The stress. The relieve. The reward. They are another type of human. My type of human. Some people don't like them at all. I say, I hate all humans, and was it not for the single minded trader mind I would have killed most humans. It is truly amazing if you fully comprehend it. I speak of them as if they are super humans. They are. If you look at what they do... Not everyone can use their full comprehension like that. I can't. I haven't even tried. I don't dare. I miss that.

I sound a little crazy. But there is no greater thrill that waiting to see if a position was a good one, even though somewhere the odds were not entirely in your favour! Yes there is sadness. There is loss too... but that is soon forgotten with each victory. I miss that.

Aaah. I am still indecisive about what to study next. Not that there is finances for this activity. It is between Economy and Law. Yes. I'm a numbers person. If I could I would do something like actuary. But, no university would allow me into that with my Matric. That is why kids, never listen to you parents. Your matric does not make you... YOU make your matric. And it starts off in Std 6 (Grade 8).  This makes me think of point B.

I had the weirdest dream last night. It was a mix of 'funky royal wedding' and 'high school glamour/prom' party. I dreamed I was invited as 'special' guest of the Bride and Groom of the royal family. I was dressed like a dream... And it was no ordinary dress. It fit perfectly. It was deep royal blue, and in a similar style to this one. I looked so sexy in it. Everyone wanted to be with me at the party, which was on this roof of this skyscraper. I had the perfect shoes. It was WoW! Freaky as hell. If this is what 4 kgs can do to my ego... just imagine what will happen when I lost all 22kgs!

Ah to be young again.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Headaches and Hurt.

Friday started the 'detox' section of the diet. It's been hell. First off started the rumble in the tummy. Then the head aches started. All this can be cured with something as simple as water! Yes. I have been drinking 3 litres a day! I am now tired of water. Officially. And I miss MEAT. I just so badly want a piece of solid super steak. The hardest part is not having anything to chew. I've tried ice. I've tried just eating the porridge, but being the carnivore I am, I WANT MEAT. I'm intending to write a letter to them for a beef flavour, and a chicken flavour without egg. Maybe a bacon or smoked porridge?

Further more the WOW is going good. Still enjoying. Stargate marathon still on.