Once a Prawn a time...

My love treated me to a seafood platter on Sunday afternoon, as it was my "sin" weekend. I started yesterday with the Cambridge program. I don't like calling it the whole name, and my reasons are slightly personal at this stage.

We were enjoying a prawn or 10 on Sunday, and talking about the whole idea of people and their perspectives, and opinions. Now some of you know, I sometimes have a real difficult time keeping my opinions to myself. I've gotten myself, and my love into serious trouble with some people. Personally I think if you make yourself out to be a friend, you should be able to take a friends opinion for what it is worth.

So we were discussing perspectives. Firstly I noted that there is a SERIOUS problem with some peoples child rearing skills, especially the table outside. I told my love that I have been re-evaluating my life.  Thinking how to better myself. First of, gaining confidence and losing 15kg's, secondly, New job.  If the order of that changes it won't matter, the main ingredients stay the same.

Returning to my perspectives and opinions. I've gone on rediscovery of me. Of what I want, and how I will get it. Doing this makes one sometimes hate yourself. It is a necessary task. In doing this my way of thinking has slightly changed, and my perspective is a more 'external' one than usual. I love to observe people. And in doing so I learn allot about myself as a human being and the humans themselves. I've decided to make little mental notes on how I would have perceived and how I should perceive. Now this is not an easy task in all situations. You get upset and you tend to think with your 'primitive instinct' brain, instead of rational and logic response. And if you are me, you tend to become slower during this process. :P 

Today is a difficult day, day 2 of the diet. It is going as expected, but for the hunger. And this too shall pass. Here is to eating a prawn real soon again.

A new journey

I am about to start with a new journey. If all planning goes well, in 3 months time I will weigh, 15kg's less. Yuppy. Well lets see. Monday afternoon will be the deciding factor.

I'm watching BBC Human Body, too start the journey.

Tomorrow is a busy day. First birthday party for a friend, and then a house warming. Sunday is hopefully a restful day! please.


So see you all sometime this weekend, or maybe next week.  Enjoy.

Ah, how wonderful life is...

It was recently discovered that the overall intelligence of the world has dropped. Now overall intelligence is not just capacity to be clever, it is emotional, social and general cleverness. Admittedly I myself have a touch of Aspergers, but I don't let it hinder my everyday life.

During the child life, I did not comprehend most aspects of human interactions. Almost every single situation felt foreign to me. I had friends, but was often told that..."one does not act that way".  I simply didn't understand the concept of being a teenager. I acted the way I wanted others to act. I still do. Treat others the way you wish to be treated, act the way you want others to act. This is, was and will always be my main motto. Therefore I am probably one of the most un-normal persons other people meet. I've been recently, during dream study, trying to reconcile my 'misfit' behaviour with 'normal cool' kid behaviour. (Dream study is the use of controlling dreams to determine outcome, and proceedings and manipulating the dream to change the past, or resolve issues. It took me a while to master it, but I am getting pretty good at it.)  I know it is not a real actual event, but I am able to work through some pretty huge crap. Having arguments and winning them. Changing a past event, only if it is in a dream, to heal broken hearts, mend fences.

I noticed that in certain cases, where someone or something used to bother me immensely, after the resolve and peace in the dream study, I became somewhat indifferent. It no longer bothered me that I didn't handle it differently or that I didn't say that, or didn't do that. I was able to heal my 'hang ups'.  Yes, this could mean I am becoming an even bigger freak. Here is this girl that never got to be the lead in anything, and she is content, not because she is a misfit and knows it, because it doesn't matter to her any more. It was fixed in a dream study.

Now you probably wondering... what does anything have to do with anything? The world offends me. It really does. There are very few 'instances' of worldly interaction that I like. If it was up to me, I would have a licence to kill who and what ever I felt like, when I felt like it. It would be justified. Every single killing. Reason, result.

I can do this in dream study. I called it study, because it takes roughly 7 to 15 dreams, recurring, to study a situation, learn from it, resolve it, and move on. I was asked recently, why I was indifferent to something someone said to me... And my answer was, why should it have mattered to me in the first place? It is not that I don't care about people etc. It is just that I am done being the underdog, the saddling. I have a rightful place in this world, and it is not being trampled on, or being used as a wipe. I know it will still take years to undo and 'reprogram' 28 years of unhappiness. But little by little I will win this fight.

Next time you ask me, or yourself, 'Why is she acting this way?' Remember that I will not be the 'underling'.

Coming back to the world and it's sad state. It is really starting to become apparent, that there is no more 'general knowledge' and that the 'average' is now more like the below standard.  Just go read some advice forums or help forums. I pity the world.

Breaking bones.

I'm depressed. I am not in a good place today. I feel like I could kill.

Ridiculed with this particular feeling, again.

It's strange to say that I'm ridiculed by this particular feeling. It's not really annoyance, but more like confused aggression. I feel so angry but confused as to why. It starts in the morning. Keeps strong during mid day, and usually transpires to either a major incident of word warring, or the waterfall of green-blue eye country. It's day 3-4 of this heat wave, and I can tell you I've had about enough. If it does not cool down tonight, I'm buying a personal aircon. This is frekked up.

Got my hair done yesterday. Truly amazing how some people just cannot take direction. I'm not complaining. The colour is 1/10th away from what it should be. But then again I could also blame genetics. (See what I mean, I'm mean and aggressive and have nothing good to say or think about everyone and everything if I'm in this mood. I'll refrain from any further 'bad mouthing' if possible.)

Now tomorrow is the day of party, but I haven't been a fan of my birthday since a couple years back. It's got nothing to do with getting older, there are just some emotional tinting on some of them that makes the day a 'sorry I was born' day, instead of a 'happy to be alive' day. I particularly blame the lack of gifts and sincerity of the friends and family. (This last sentence was dialled down.) For one I've been meaning to take a day off. Go shopping and what not. But have I been able too? No. All I hear is "there is too much to do". This makes me even more sad or angry.

I just don't want to be here any more. Please save me.

Oh mother of hell.

Today is one of those days where I just want to kill myself for being on this planet of annoying lazy asses, who always seem to find a way to make their issues and their MEANINGLESS empty brains your problem. In general I don't like people. It is a huge annoyance for me being one. I'd much rather fancy myself to be like Sherlock Holmes from BBC One. Being Immune to people and they little annoyances would help too.

On a different note, I share my birthday with a few rather special people. Joaquin Phoenix, Julia Roberts. AND and the Statue of Liberty! Wow.

Back to point A. I am annoyed, not only with the super duper humans, but this weather. I hate HEAT. I don't call myself European for nothing! Anything above 25 degrees Celsius makes me want to KILL. I am sweaty and sticky and just plain "pissig". I wish that it would RAIN, hard, RIGHT NOW.

Now currently I'm working on a long term plan to go on holiday/s. I have a need to be at the sea side. Not in the sea, just on or near the sea, oh how glorious it would be. I've got a few ideas on where I want to go. Mostly it's along the Wild coast. But the puppy is being a hard ass as per usual. He's having a hard time at the work and can complain about it for hours, and as it is my duty as loving partner to listen to him, I do so, but that is where it ends. Which leads me to the second big annoyance of the day.

I allow him to do and act and basically go nuts as he pleases. And for the most part of it I get my freedom too. For the past 2 Years though I've noticed that he has started to think he's the HEAD Puppy. Like he's the leader of the pack, and he will decide how, what, with what and when we will be doing anything. This is ticking me off something frakking huge. I have given up my dream dreaming ability because of this! I realised somewhere in last week that for the biggest part of what I can remember I used to be able to wish for something, plan it, and do it. Now if I make a wish, and discuss it, it gets shot down! Now there is two options. Kill him or make him wish he never started this war. Option two has been in effect from 3 months ago. Now please don't misunderstand me. I love him DEEPLY and I will marry him one day. But it's one day, and love is the only thing keeping him alive most of the time.

Did you know that SARS and UNISA are evil? Oh yes. True EVIL.

Well peepers and peepets. Keep well.

Getting ready for Halloween!

It's that time again. I've got my mind set on two possible and relatively easy costumes. Now it just all depends on where we spend it!

First possibility is Zoe from Death Proof. Granted I don't have a size 0 body, I can pull of a pink t-shirt with black jeans. I just love the movie. It is one of those shocking, but empowering movies. Oh how I wish I was there to kick the shissness out of that guy. Best part, besides the end, is where they shoot him and he starts to cry like a little bitch! I nearly wet myself laughing.
To all the uninformed: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_Proof

Second one is a little more complicated, but it's still do able. It is either of the ladies from Inglorious Bastards. Either Shoshanna with her pretty red dress, of if I'm really feeling daring, how bout the tempting Briget. Ah., but I'm afraid I won't have time to get either dress. http://www.designedbyhollywood.com/hollywood-glitz-today-in-hollywood/the-costumes-of-inglourious-basterds

I guess it's off to the costume shop sometime this week to make the final decision. You all that know me know that I can surprise even myself at times.

I'll keep you posted.

Fitting little sign out picture!