Week 1, and counting.

                Start            Week 1             Diff
Weight  102.1 kg           98.1 kg           4 kg          
Chest    113.5 cm        110.0 cm          3.5 cm
Waist    105.0 cm        101.0 cm          4.0 cm
Hips      133.0 cm        131.0 cm          2.0 cm
U arm     40.0 cm           38.0 cm         2.0 cm
Thigh      79.0 cm           77.5 cm         1.5 cm

Wow. What a week. I had all kinds of 'remedies' ready for hunger, or anything that might want to get in my way. But it was useless. You body just before it starts ketosis, is like a seriously unreasonable woman with PMS. You can try and negotiate, try and plea bargain with it... It just will do what it wants.

I didn't cheat. I didn't feel the need to. The only thing seriously wrong was the NO MEAT policy. I would have settled for some chicken flavour, but my allergy to eggs prevented me from the only meat flavour in the range. I was starting to miss chewing as well.  Between porridge, soups and shakes, there is really nothing to chew. I suckled on some ice, and gave it a chew for good measure.

And then day 3-4 hit me. It was death. He was standing at my window with a crazy look in his eyes... a look that would make me think... 'eat yourself, that isn't a sin'.  The detox phase arrived with a bang. I felt drained, sick, nauseous, tired, angry, excited, and a wide range of other feelings in waves. I wanted to give up. It wasn't too late. I could still say no, before ketosis arrived, but I knew. It has already started, this is just it's official banner. Detox in the form of flu like symptoms.

No red bull, no play, no energade, no meat. I was starting to feel like consuming death by the Friday afternoon. I had my meals at same times as every day before. It was just horrible. And then my super sexy awesome man came to the rescue. ONE super big ass coffee. Nice and strong with a single teaspoon of sugar. Being the police man of the diet, he felt it was a deserved spoon full. I didn't argue I didn't complain. AND it saved my life.

The weekend we had a braai, and I was content with my soup. Infact it might have made me a hero. I was constantly praised. "You have such will power." "How can you just have a soup, and no meat, it is a braai."  "I admire what you doing."  So as a prize I got a minute piece of chicken, less than 5mm by 5mm. So tiny that it made me sad. But it was the best taste in the world. It gave me hope to last another week. Or at least till the next measure day.

Content in my corner.

I have this strange feeling of content, with a nasty little feeling of stress in the seams. I hate days like this. New mattress came this morning, slightly damp, on the outside. Haven't taken off the plastic wrap yet. Too scared. I think I will go ballistic if that is the case. I am waiting for the man of the house to make his appearance, so he can inspect it.

I am planing on making a subsection of the blog dedicated to the diet. Thinking of putting some before, during and after shots on. As well as a chart with measurements, and weight. I am not scared of telling people this. I think that is why I've been finding dieting and eating absolutely nothing for a month, so easy. (It's not nothing, but after a while it starts to feel like nothing.)  I started eating meat on Monday again! It's so awesome. Like the best food I've had in YEARS. It is weird I know.

Headaches and Hurt.

Friday started the 'detox' section of the diet. It's been hell. First off started the rumble in the tummy. Then the head aches started. All this can be cured with something as simple as water! Yes. I have been drinking 3 litres a day! I am now tired of water. Officially. And I miss MEAT. I just so badly want a piece of solid super steak. The hardest part is not having anything to chew. I've tried ice. I've tried just eating the porridge, but being the carnivore I am, I WANT MEAT. I'm intending to write a letter to them for a beef flavour, and a chicken flavour without egg. Maybe a bacon or smoked porridge?


Further more the WOW is going good. Still enjoying. Stargate marathon still on.

Ah, how wonderful life is...

It was recently discovered that the overall intelligence of the world has dropped. Now overall intelligence is not just capacity to be clever, it is emotional, social and general cleverness. Admittedly I myself have a touch of Aspergers, but I don't let it hinder my everyday life.

During the child life, I did not comprehend most aspects of human interactions. Almost every single situation felt foreign to me. I had friends, but was often told that..."one does not act that way".  I simply didn't understand the concept of being a teenager. I acted the way I wanted others to act. I still do. Treat others the way you wish to be treated, act the way you want others to act. This is, was and will always be my main motto. Therefore I am probably one of the most un-normal persons other people meet. I've been recently, during dream study, trying to reconcile my 'misfit' behaviour with 'normal cool' kid behaviour. (Dream study is the use of controlling dreams to determine outcome, and proceedings and manipulating the dream to change the past, or resolve issues. It took me a while to master it, but I am getting pretty good at it.)  I know it is not a real actual event, but I am able to work through some pretty huge crap. Having arguments and winning them. Changing a past event, only if it is in a dream, to heal broken hearts, mend fences.

I noticed that in certain cases, where someone or something used to bother me immensely, after the resolve and peace in the dream study, I became somewhat indifferent. It no longer bothered me that I didn't handle it differently or that I didn't say that, or didn't do that. I was able to heal my 'hang ups'.  Yes, this could mean I am becoming an even bigger freak. Here is this girl that never got to be the lead in anything, and she is content, not because she is a misfit and knows it, because it doesn't matter to her any more. It was fixed in a dream study.

Now you probably wondering... what does anything have to do with anything? The world offends me. It really does. There are very few 'instances' of worldly interaction that I like. If it was up to me, I would have a licence to kill who and what ever I felt like, when I felt like it. It would be justified. Every single killing. Reason, result.

I can do this in dream study. I called it study, because it takes roughly 7 to 15 dreams, recurring, to study a situation, learn from it, resolve it, and move on. I was asked recently, why I was indifferent to something someone said to me... And my answer was, why should it have mattered to me in the first place? It is not that I don't care about people etc. It is just that I am done being the underdog, the saddling. I have a rightful place in this world, and it is not being trampled on, or being used as a wipe. I know it will still take years to undo and 'reprogram' 28 years of unhappiness. But little by little I will win this fight.

Next time you ask me, or yourself, 'Why is she acting this way?' Remember that I will not be the 'underling'.

Coming back to the world and it's sad state. It is really starting to become apparent, that there is no more 'general knowledge' and that the 'average' is now more like the below standard.  Just go read some advice forums or help forums. I pity the world.